If you gave me five years to figure out how a remote control changes a tv channel....

....I couldn't do it.

Especially if I had to go beyond the "batteries" thing.

Jesus climbed that tree!

Come on, show some respect!

CNN "expert" Dr. Phil just said....

....that Casey Anthony's legal defense appears based on "lies".

Good thing they got an expert to clear things up!

Taking a break

"Puter" issues.

Gas station sushi!

No, not nervous at all!

The guy who prepares it is NOT the same guy who hands out that really big bathroom key.

Bon appetit!

Anthony Bourdain

Born on today's date, Anthony Bourdain.

"Oh, I'll accommodate them. I'll rummage around for something to feed them, for a vegetarian plate; if called upon to do so. Fourteen dollars for a few sticks of grilled eggplant and zucchini suits my food costs fine." - on special vegetarian requests

(Sounds like he doesn't like them)

Peter Falk: 1927 - 2011

"I'm just looking to get through the day."

RIP

New York State Senate passes Gay Marriage bill

I am not surprised at all.

The tuxedo industry lobby in that state is EXTREMELY strong!

They practically run the state!

Want people to think you're "metal" and/or mysterious?

Throw some umlauts in your texts.

When people ask what they are, just say "Oh come on, you don't use those?!"

Your welcome.

I will take my business somewhere else then, thank you very much!

Crazy people, refusing legal tender!

The FBI's "Most Wanted" list is just SO effective!

16 YEARS!

Fugitives are petitioning to get on it!

Jeff Beck

Born on today's date, Jeff Beck.

"I don't care about the rules. In fact, if I don't break the rules at least ten times in every song, then I'm not doing my job properly."

You think your life is difficult?

Do you have a favorite flavor of Tums?

Sit down then.

The more intractable your opinion....

....the more damage it does.

And in other news, Harry Whittington still wishes Dick would have just taken that gun safety class.

When I die, if any of those "Ghost Hunters" freaks pester me....

....I am going to haunt the hell out of them!

"Hello! Hello! We mean no harm! We're just trying to communicate with you. Are you there? We can 'feel" you. Hey, what was that sound?! It sounds kind of like someone adjusting the light on a video camera! Oh. Hello! We feel your presence!"

Enough of that!

ZAP!

Ever seen the end of Paranormal Activity?

It would be worse.

I couldn't tell you how microwaves work

I just press buttons until I think the food is hot.

General rule of thumb: melting = done.

(I do stay away from the "defrost" button because I know that can't be what I need)

The worst part of my childhood?

Growing Up Gotti.

No royalties either!

Not high enough on the chain.

I just tasted food for people and stuff.

They sure don't make law school like they used to!

Sometimes I dip my french fries in mustard

In public.

With kids around.

And not apologizing.

It's a thug life.

Kris Kristofferson

Born on today's date, Kris Kristofferson.

"If you can't get out of something, get into it."

Summer Solstice today!*

I think she's kinda hot!

*I'm gonna turn my clock back an hour because the day was just so darn long! Don't wanna be tired tomorrow.

Never judge a book by it's cover

Well if it's Mein Kampf, go ahead but otherwise....

Just on name alone....

....I have VERY high expectations for this show!

But let me tell you, anything less than literal carnage and I am out.

You can't draw me in with that name and then just show me doctors and nurses flirting with each other.

Because I don't play that way.

Seven hours and counting!

If the walls are telling you to go to the restroom and destroy a toilet....

....you're just too busy at work, right?

And it's not your fault, right?

RIGHT?!

Good thing they built that walking path around the building!

Gonna take some "blowing bubbles" out there too.

Juliette Lewis

Born on today's date, Juliette Lewis.

"Because I am not perfect looking, I get to play better roles."

"It is my understanding that Ryan Dunn's Porsche left the road....

....and travelled through 100 yards of brush, trees and Indian trails where it made a peaceful resting stop and then was viciously bashed in and set on fire by immigrants." - Lou Dobbs

"Help me!"

Every dog in a sweater.

The new manager sometimes gets irritable....

....so we change the sign around a bit as kind of a warning.

(Just don't bring up the words "Home Office" and you'll probably be ok)

Cyndi Lauper

Born on today's date, Cyndi Lauper.

"Somebody did complain to me and tell me that my clothes were so loud they couldn't hear me sing."

I am not wanted, dead or alive

Nobody cares.

Can cross any and all state lines.

Zoo safety

You can't take it granted!

Have you followed this trial at all?

She looks pretty murdery to me.

But that's just me.

Rashard Mendenhall

Born on today's date, Rashard Mendenhall.

"What kind of person celebrates death? It's amazing how people can HATE a man they never heard speak. We've only heard one side." - Objecting to the killing of Osama bin Laden

Tribute!

One of those "cool" parents who hosted/allowed all kinds of underaged drinking parties for their teenage kids "back in the day".

Geez, Atlanta didn't even riot when....

.... they likeTOOK THEIR WHOLE TEAM AWAY FROM THEM!

Didn't burn their own city!

Didn't even shoot the departing buses with slingshots or anything!

Didn't block the roads!

Where's the passion?

Let me tell you, that team is better off in Winnipeg!

Roger Ebert

Born on today's date, Roger Ebert.

"I think most people are more susceptible to prejudice than to reason."

We can't make football headsets smaller?!

We've been to the moon but...