True Grit goes 0 for 10!

It was the eye patch!

Voters knew Jeff Bridges could see with that eye!

They couldn't buy it! Too distracting!

TOTAL tactical error by the filmmakers. What were they thinking?!

Same thing if they gave him a ripped-up ear like that Getty kid or Evander Holyfield.

Wouldn't have worked.

Whoever said it is the little things in life that make all the difference....

....never fell into a well.

Or got swept out to sea by a massive rogue wave.

Those Hallmark card writers need a little reality, you know.

Not even the best real estate agent....

....can overcome this.

"Word of mouth" trumps all, you know.

Crunchy omelet

Shouldn't the melted cheese have some type of tenderizing effect on the broccoli in a farmer's omelet?

Could've eaten Captain Crunch without the milk!

Gonna eat 3/4 of this and then demand my money back.

The manager will do it. He doesn't want any problems.

Gilbert Gottfried

Born on today's date, Gilbert Gottfried.

"Unfortunately, I have never been mistaken for Johnny Depp."

The Oscars*

White people love this stuff!**

*If they leave a window open in the ladies room unlocked, Katie Holmes could make a run for it!

**Bottled water too.

Come on grocery store!

We've been working hard to forget Dave Matthews!

You know, he has almost been eradicated on the radio.

Don't go complainin' about your market share ok?

Hey old people!

Taking that turn at 2 mph won't prolong your life, you know.

Ever do "bleach out"?

Live a little.

Facebook post from yesterday

I don't buy that "you are what you eat" stuff.

Adrian Smith

Born on today's date, Adrian Smith.

"People see our logo and think we are blood-drinking devil-worshippers; which we are of course."

Wanna make sure a facebook friend never turns into a real friend?

Correct the spelling and grammar on all their status reports.

Never fails!